i really don't know why i fell in love with him.. or why i'm loving him like this, or even i love him so much. but I'm sure I really love him.

-past- matagal na kaming magkakilala thru chat. pero strangers talaga kami sa isa't isa. after a year the first time we knew each other, nagkausap ulit kami. i asked for his cellphone number and we became textmates.

-first impression- natutuwa ako sa kanya nun. kwento kwento, madaldal. i thought of him na ka - age ko lang siya. and parang bata pa. i like him.

-for me?- but no, hindi pala. napaka talino pala nitong taong 'to. and he's a year and 2months older than me. i see na, more on practical pag iisip niya. he's such a nice guy. sweet. caring. understanding. napaka tahimik na tao, malamang maraming tumatakbo sa isip niya. we’re very much opposite.

-building up- madali akong naka recover sa past relationship ko because of him and yung iba pang mga dahilan to cause break - up. but hindi ko siya ginawang panakip butas. he opened himself for me. he comforted me the time namumrublema ako. ewan, makapal din mukha ko that time, i let him know my problems. okay lang naman sa kanya, according to him.

gumaan talaga loob ko sa kanya. that time, i don't know what he felt about the two of us. he's such a secretive person. mahirap siyang bungkalin. but willing siyang ipakita and sarili niya, on his own way and pabayaan mo siyang siya ang maglabas nun, kaya nga, mahirap siyang bungkalin. but the more na nagkakausap kami, and dumadating sa point na mas serious ang pinag uusapan, dun mo siya makikilala. and that's the start to know what he felt, and what i really felt. then we planned to meet. (see past entries)

-present- now, we're fine with each other, we're half of what you called 'close'. we're still on the 'knowing more each other' stage.

-what bother's me about him- what will happen to us? i mean, ang gulo eh? or it's just, sabik ako masyado? i'm asking him what will happen to us next? he then gives me back the question. siguro nga mali yung tanong ko. dapat i approached him the right question. yun nga lang, hindi ko pa ma – build up yung tamang term or words to come up with the right question i wanted to ask to him. pero, i just want to clear ano na nga ba talaga kami? ay, oo, tama. sinabihan niya ako na huwag akong umasa sa kanya. oo, di naman ako umaasa eh. pero mahirap pigilin na umasa hindi ba? lalo na, you know to each others what you feel between the two of you. oo, inaamin ko, umaasa ako, but not sobra. very little.

-hiling- all i want now is for you to help me. help me let me understand what you want. what you want to do first, what you want to happen first. so that, i could control my feelings, i could say to myself what are my limitations (though i know yung iba, baka meron pa?) to you.

-future- i don't want to predict. i don't want to think anything about us in the future, na very much optimistic ang dating. mahirap na hindi ba? wala pa namang kasiguraduhan.

-love- i believe on what you have said to me about what you feel. because i can feel it. maybe some could say it's enough, but to me i really do feel it.

-lessons- huwag umasa, huwag umasa ng sobra; give your love to someone without expecting any return; first things first; know your limitations; ngayon muna, bago bukas. dahil walang bukas kung walang ngayon.

-sigh- i, before, said that i wanted someone opposite of me. para may ka – kompitensya?! para may thrill. my goodness, wish came true! ang hirap niya. but it's a challenge. i want to bury all my fears. i'm sick of it. but i'm still afraid.

-you're my only one- i really thank God for He let me meet a person like you. you're a challenge to me. you’re a problem to me, for i do care with problems coming into my life. tinutuon ko sarili ko sa mga problema. i thank you too for the comforts, letting me know you and for letting me to love and express my real feelings for you.

"dont be afraid to be loved more than you can return. be afraid that you don't give back the love that you can. love need not to be equal to be fair, it only needs to be real."